XOXO

I just told my new husband, Mitch (that is still fun and strange to say), that I find myself wanting to write a blog, but then quickly realize I don't have much worth reporting. I think the only thing to say is that I have been working dilligently, alongside Mitchell--my business partner--to really get my name out there. No, not just the fact that I have a new last name, but that I am a passionate designer. I have several weddings lined up and am learning a new professional system with the help of Mitch. I really want to do this. I am eager to share my joy of arranging flowers and the beauty they bring to anyone who has the need for a florist. I crave it, the creativity and the new client relationships. So... SPREAD THE WORD! I, Lindy Holt, want to design for any and ALL occasion! I can work with any budget, any person, any special occasion. Yahoo! This is exciting.

Back to my last day off for two weeks before VALENTINES. Dum dum dum.

Xoxo,
Lindy

magnifying glass

i'm getting married, to the most wonderful
i'm working harder than ever
i work out daily
i play with cooper at the dog park
i drink soy chocolate milk at night
sometimes green peach tea
my eyes have become too tired to read, it is a shame
i love the outdoors more than ever
i wake to sun in my face and love it
i'm on a search for the perfect songs with the perfect lyrics
i'm getting married, to the most wonderful
finding routine
i enjoy evenings that involve nothing
the pool always sounds nice
i'm gonna be a wife
hopefully the best
i'm looking forward to ACL
my eyes get heavy at 10pm
i crave boston
i wear my hair wavy instead of straight
i desire to be a consistent cook
i adore austin
i miss my family
and i'm marrying the most wonderful

:)

the end!

Order Number 913453

Monday's have lost their bad name. I love Monday's. I am refreshed and ready to go, and bubbling over with energy. I focused intently on all arrangements I needed to make, and tried my best to help flower senders over the phone. Despite my desire to sneak out the front door to soak up some vitamin D, and hear the birds sing, I still loved the day. I did not wish to be anywhere but where I was. There is no news to tell of, but no news is good news. Today I was purely thankful that I am able to do what I am absolutely passionate about for 10 hours every day, and for the beautiful people in my life. For the fact that each day ends with Mitch and Cooper, as well as texts or phone calls from my sweet family and closest friends. Today was sweeter than sweet and it ended with a new jar of pickles, and a brightly shining moon.

sunday

I wish there were cloudless skies, but not today. And there will be no more wishing.

There is always room for change. The good kind of change. The change that molds me into me. You know? I'm not talking about changing my hair color (even though I've had the urge, big surprise). I'm talking about true refinement as a human being. And I will not wish anymore. Do you ever realize how much you just wish... that it was warmer? that you were on vacation? that you were not working today? that X situation was different? I don't know, but I am just sick of wishing! After all, you end up living some bizarre dream. The dream that you wake up from a year later wishing again, that you hadn't wished so much. Because look where you landed.

Today at church I had a really hard time focusing. My head just kept drifting into my own world. I want to discover how to truly live compassionately. That's all I could think about. I looked at people around me, and everyone acted like they had it all together, nodding their heads largely when the preacher made a good point, raising their hands way up to the sky during a moving moment in worship, and I wondered. I wondered what those people would look like truly stripped down. But anyway, I find myself every now and then living in a lazy manner, constantly making pointless statements like "I'm freeeezing! BRRRR!" or "Only 1 more hour until 6:00!" You know, those statements. The ones that make life drab and annoy people around you. No more of that. I really want to be a bubbly, happy, positive, fun, loving, caring, great listener, and friend to all. So I'm trying to figure this life out. Figure out how to make it marvelously mine, with the control out of my hands. I'm not anywhere close to figuring it out, but I'm searching.

I love those conversations that help you see something in a different light. That is why two is better than one. That's all.

Anyway, between the distractions in Austin Java and the internet, I am losing sight of this blog. I said a few things and I guess that's where I'll leave it. I'm going to hear those talented Rocketboys record. Until next time.

discovering seasons of change

I am not looking back, nor am I looking forward. I find myself living. In this moment that I am breathing, and accepting the fresh air with a warm hug I feel mostly content. There is a part of me feeling like while life is swinging swiftly -- back and forth, and back and forth -- I am still on the brink of something. I really don't know if I could explain the feeling in words, but it is there and it does not want to be ignored. I wonder constantly what this tug at my heart is. This must be the feeling you get when change occurs, great change occurs. It feels as if I've been born again. I know that sounds a little exaggerated-but honestly-I am experiencing the true meaning of the word rejuvenation. Maybe it is that I am feeling a disconnect from everything I knew in Abilene, and while that is occurring, something is connecting here. A season of change is all.

I have been keeping in the back of my mind that rejuvenation does not last forever, because this newness in Austin and all the change will suddenly become normal life. I have been eagerly praying that I will just ride the waves of each day with a positive spirit and once the crash comes, it will be far from a crash. That it will just be a leveling, a way of life that I learn to love even amidst the leveling. So far my mindset is noticeably different. It brings tears to my eyes, truthfully. I am beyond grateful for what I have in my life. Words cannot express the true happiness I feel. I pray so eagerly that this feeling will be instilled in all of those that I love, even those I do not know. I have been praying for a connection to this life while I am here. I might as well connect and live; most importantly: love as long as I am alive. Love is my main focus. I feel like as long as I am here, I might as well discover the gifts I have been given and paint strokes of happiness anywhere I go. As cliche as ever, life is truly too short.

as the flowers grow, so do i

It has been a very long time since I have written, obviously. I have been so caught up in the move to Austin and holiday travles, my blog has been neglected. I'm not sure who out there still reads, but I'll write for me.

Austin, so far, is such a fabulous place to live. I'm sitting on the couch with Cooper, a.k.a. "Coopie," enjoying my night, listening to Rocky Votolato. Cooper interrupts the silence, but I am glad. He brings a lot of company to my little apartment when Mitch is not here. I am really looking forward to what the future holds, and the friends to come in this new lively place--but also more than content with what life is now. I have actually never felt so content in my life, thus far. I am so thankful for what a fairly smooth transition this has been. Yes, there have been a few things along the way that have brought small challenges, but nothing too overwhelming. It has brought a refreshing, liberating air to my life. I wake up every morning thankful for the day and its opportunites, and really, waking up to a new day is blessing enough. I work with an eclectic group of great people. I am learning and growing. And there is no reason to complain about that.

and i cannot tell you (two blogs in one night)

It is hard for me. It is daily hard for me, but my gramma. My tough Gramma's heart is softening and breaking. She's seeing the world through a pair of eyes never used before. A world of grief.

It is hard for me to look back to blogs I wrote in March. It's harder to think about April 18 and that porch that looks out to the Superstitions. The smell of grapefruits and losing a breath from such a strong hug. Remembering the taste of cherry coffee after dinner and a large sunset out the window of a cool Arizona night. The feeling of a sunburn and then the hero bringing the relief of an aloe vera plant when we were young. The spring break visit in March. I still remember his words to me after I asked how he was. "Ah, Lindy. Better now that you're here." I still remember a month after walking into the same house and losing all composure from that very memory.
It's still so unreal. It's still so empty. And it's been months. I'm still sad and it has been months, but I am happy that my Grampa is smiling. Smiling uncontrollably. He always was and I have no doubt in my mind that he is now. He is still going to remind me of living passionately. These memories--they are great ones. I am sad in these memories, but grateful to what they hold. It's hard to let good people go.

"It's a beautiful, but bitter dream.
God and all his wisdom takes the people that you love the most.
When the walls close in and it's hard to breathe.
May the ones you love be the ones you keep."

On a less emotional note, I still fear death after being inspired to drop that fear from my Grampa's passing. How do I keep from fearing death? I fear losing the rest of my greatly loved ones, and I fear my own death. I am not necessarily afraid of the afterlife, but there's something about just dying that scares me. What is a way I can demolish this fear?