XOXO

I just told my new husband, Mitch (that is still fun and strange to say), that I find myself wanting to write a blog, but then quickly realize I don't have much worth reporting. I think the only thing to say is that I have been working dilligently, alongside Mitchell--my business partner--to really get my name out there. No, not just the fact that I have a new last name, but that I am a passionate designer. I have several weddings lined up and am learning a new professional system with the help of Mitch. I really want to do this. I am eager to share my joy of arranging flowers and the beauty they bring to anyone who has the need for a florist. I crave it, the creativity and the new client relationships. So... SPREAD THE WORD! I, Lindy Holt, want to design for any and ALL occasion! I can work with any budget, any person, any special occasion. Yahoo! This is exciting.

Back to my last day off for two weeks before VALENTINES. Dum dum dum.

Xoxo,
Lindy

magnifying glass

i'm getting married, to the most wonderful
i'm working harder than ever
i work out daily
i play with cooper at the dog park
i drink soy chocolate milk at night
sometimes green peach tea
my eyes have become too tired to read, it is a shame
i love the outdoors more than ever
i wake to sun in my face and love it
i'm on a search for the perfect songs with the perfect lyrics
i'm getting married, to the most wonderful
finding routine
i enjoy evenings that involve nothing
the pool always sounds nice
i'm gonna be a wife
hopefully the best
i'm looking forward to ACL
my eyes get heavy at 10pm
i crave boston
i wear my hair wavy instead of straight
i desire to be a consistent cook
i adore austin
i miss my family
and i'm marrying the most wonderful

:)

the end!

Order Number 913453

Monday's have lost their bad name. I love Monday's. I am refreshed and ready to go, and bubbling over with energy. I focused intently on all arrangements I needed to make, and tried my best to help flower senders over the phone. Despite my desire to sneak out the front door to soak up some vitamin D, and hear the birds sing, I still loved the day. I did not wish to be anywhere but where I was. There is no news to tell of, but no news is good news. Today I was purely thankful that I am able to do what I am absolutely passionate about for 10 hours every day, and for the beautiful people in my life. For the fact that each day ends with Mitch and Cooper, as well as texts or phone calls from my sweet family and closest friends. Today was sweeter than sweet and it ended with a new jar of pickles, and a brightly shining moon.

sunday

I wish there were cloudless skies, but not today. And there will be no more wishing.

There is always room for change. The good kind of change. The change that molds me into me. You know? I'm not talking about changing my hair color (even though I've had the urge, big surprise). I'm talking about true refinement as a human being. And I will not wish anymore. Do you ever realize how much you just wish... that it was warmer? that you were on vacation? that you were not working today? that X situation was different? I don't know, but I am just sick of wishing! After all, you end up living some bizarre dream. The dream that you wake up from a year later wishing again, that you hadn't wished so much. Because look where you landed.

Today at church I had a really hard time focusing. My head just kept drifting into my own world. I want to discover how to truly live compassionately. That's all I could think about. I looked at people around me, and everyone acted like they had it all together, nodding their heads largely when the preacher made a good point, raising their hands way up to the sky during a moving moment in worship, and I wondered. I wondered what those people would look like truly stripped down. But anyway, I find myself every now and then living in a lazy manner, constantly making pointless statements like "I'm freeeezing! BRRRR!" or "Only 1 more hour until 6:00!" You know, those statements. The ones that make life drab and annoy people around you. No more of that. I really want to be a bubbly, happy, positive, fun, loving, caring, great listener, and friend to all. So I'm trying to figure this life out. Figure out how to make it marvelously mine, with the control out of my hands. I'm not anywhere close to figuring it out, but I'm searching.

I love those conversations that help you see something in a different light. That is why two is better than one. That's all.

Anyway, between the distractions in Austin Java and the internet, I am losing sight of this blog. I said a few things and I guess that's where I'll leave it. I'm going to hear those talented Rocketboys record. Until next time.

discovering seasons of change

I am not looking back, nor am I looking forward. I find myself living. In this moment that I am breathing, and accepting the fresh air with a warm hug I feel mostly content. There is a part of me feeling like while life is swinging swiftly -- back and forth, and back and forth -- I am still on the brink of something. I really don't know if I could explain the feeling in words, but it is there and it does not want to be ignored. I wonder constantly what this tug at my heart is. This must be the feeling you get when change occurs, great change occurs. It feels as if I've been born again. I know that sounds a little exaggerated-but honestly-I am experiencing the true meaning of the word rejuvenation. Maybe it is that I am feeling a disconnect from everything I knew in Abilene, and while that is occurring, something is connecting here. A season of change is all.

I have been keeping in the back of my mind that rejuvenation does not last forever, because this newness in Austin and all the change will suddenly become normal life. I have been eagerly praying that I will just ride the waves of each day with a positive spirit and once the crash comes, it will be far from a crash. That it will just be a leveling, a way of life that I learn to love even amidst the leveling. So far my mindset is noticeably different. It brings tears to my eyes, truthfully. I am beyond grateful for what I have in my life. Words cannot express the true happiness I feel. I pray so eagerly that this feeling will be instilled in all of those that I love, even those I do not know. I have been praying for a connection to this life while I am here. I might as well connect and live; most importantly: love as long as I am alive. Love is my main focus. I feel like as long as I am here, I might as well discover the gifts I have been given and paint strokes of happiness anywhere I go. As cliche as ever, life is truly too short.

as the flowers grow, so do i

It has been a very long time since I have written, obviously. I have been so caught up in the move to Austin and holiday travles, my blog has been neglected. I'm not sure who out there still reads, but I'll write for me.

Austin, so far, is such a fabulous place to live. I'm sitting on the couch with Cooper, a.k.a. "Coopie," enjoying my night, listening to Rocky Votolato. Cooper interrupts the silence, but I am glad. He brings a lot of company to my little apartment when Mitch is not here. I am really looking forward to what the future holds, and the friends to come in this new lively place--but also more than content with what life is now. I have actually never felt so content in my life, thus far. I am so thankful for what a fairly smooth transition this has been. Yes, there have been a few things along the way that have brought small challenges, but nothing too overwhelming. It has brought a refreshing, liberating air to my life. I wake up every morning thankful for the day and its opportunites, and really, waking up to a new day is blessing enough. I work with an eclectic group of great people. I am learning and growing. And there is no reason to complain about that.

and i cannot tell you (two blogs in one night)

It is hard for me. It is daily hard for me, but my gramma. My tough Gramma's heart is softening and breaking. She's seeing the world through a pair of eyes never used before. A world of grief.

It is hard for me to look back to blogs I wrote in March. It's harder to think about April 18 and that porch that looks out to the Superstitions. The smell of grapefruits and losing a breath from such a strong hug. Remembering the taste of cherry coffee after dinner and a large sunset out the window of a cool Arizona night. The feeling of a sunburn and then the hero bringing the relief of an aloe vera plant when we were young. The spring break visit in March. I still remember his words to me after I asked how he was. "Ah, Lindy. Better now that you're here." I still remember a month after walking into the same house and losing all composure from that very memory.
It's still so unreal. It's still so empty. And it's been months. I'm still sad and it has been months, but I am happy that my Grampa is smiling. Smiling uncontrollably. He always was and I have no doubt in my mind that he is now. He is still going to remind me of living passionately. These memories--they are great ones. I am sad in these memories, but grateful to what they hold. It's hard to let good people go.

"It's a beautiful, but bitter dream.
God and all his wisdom takes the people that you love the most.
When the walls close in and it's hard to breathe.
May the ones you love be the ones you keep."

On a less emotional note, I still fear death after being inspired to drop that fear from my Grampa's passing. How do I keep from fearing death? I fear losing the rest of my greatly loved ones, and I fear my own death. I am not necessarily afraid of the afterlife, but there's something about just dying that scares me. What is a way I can demolish this fear?

squeaky swings and tall trees

This kind of image is most always in my mind's eye. I am developing a love for plants. I never had any kind of relationship with plants while working at The Arrangement, other than with a spathaphyllum, (more commonly known as a "peace lily") until I started working at Philpott's. I am becoming a plant lover. I have so much to learn about plants, but I can tell you that...

• Chinese Evergreens and Corn plants do not like to drink hardly any water. Water every 6 weeks.
  

• Orchids, and most all blooming plants love light.

• Monkey puzzle plants are matched with imagery over the phone as, "fingers spread apart."

• The peace lily is most popularly sent for funerals.

• Ivy's last FOREVER.

I guess that was more of a test for me, to sit and think what I could tell you about plants. So far, I love hanging ivy's, orchids, and begonias (although begonias are finicky). I see a different kind of plant every single day though, so I imagine my favorites will change. Almost daily.

I am not getting to arrange hardly at all, but occasionally. As much as it leaves me frustrated, I really do not have any complaints. And as much as I don't want to admit it, I think this job has been several steps up the stairs to my goal. So, to those that took my complaints during my transition and adjustment: I'm sorry! I guess I'm not so good at change, but workin' on it!

The reason I would say I can't complain about not getting to arrange is because of a few things:
-It has blown me away at how much I've learned just from sitting on the fence watching the three other florists' design. They probably have no idea how much I actually watch them and all their little tricks, down to the way they hold their knives when they cut their flowers.
-While I have not been able to arrange, I have been able to help numerous clients and customers. I thought I had learned a lot at The Arrangement in this area, but to my surprise I had a lot more to learn. There are so many emotions involved in this business--a funeral, an anniversary, a birthday, an illness. I have passed out hugs, kleenexes, smiles and advice.
-Forming a solid list of things I do(s) and don't(s) for my future shop. DO: Have a vase full of interchangeable mints/candy on the front counter. DO: Play great music. DON'T: Play the same Christmas CD starting November 1. Ending January 1. YIKES!
-I am strengthening phone skills. It really is some kind of psychology and I feel most confident after a year and a half.
The list could go on and on and on and on. Maybe we can have a cup of coffee and talk about it instead, reader. :)

I think there are a few places I am most happy (in no particular order)...
1. To just lie down in a conservatory packed with plants and flowers.
2. A gym.
3. Secluded with my favorite music. Preferably coffee, books, and nail polishes as attendants.
4. With this sweet boy, in this sweet city and all our family.


And the lists go on and on and on.

And I sing,

"I don't recall a single care
just greenery and humid air"

very ambitious and slightly cheesy, but true

Recently, I have had a few things on my mind. I've started asking the question, "Who is at my table?"
If I am only surrounded by those I love or ones I have already established a great level of comfort with, where is the challenge and the need to learn? I grow from discovering new people and who they are. I can't surround myself with just me, because other than that getting boring, I need to saturate my world with the opportunity of growth and interaction. I want to keep the ones I love, but I want to fill my table with strangers and have a feast.
I consider myself an inspired person, but my inspiration must ooze to strangers. I want a large, open and welcoming table.
I want to learn the true meaning of the word, share. I want to remember to seek out wisdom. I want to seek out someone different than me. I want to seek out the pessimist and the optimist. I want to seek the happy and the sad.
I never want to stop searching and filling a table full of life. One that feasts on wisdom and love, community and compassion. And most importantly, I want to live simply. I want to open my eyes each morning and let that be enough, no expectations other than being outrageously thankful for the day that arrived and chase after passionate living, those less priviledged, and those who can teach me. I want to keep the ones I love and follow paths that lead me to abundance.

consulting a west texas sunset

I've had these brief moments, time is standing still and I expand my vision to soak up what's really around me. The Texas sky stared at me while I stared right back. My eyes locked into a deep orange ocean, matched with strokes of peaches and velvety purples. To my right there were fields of wild sunflowers and barbwire fences, and I think someday I will have a nostalgia for this particular scenery. Even now, although I don't have Texas pride, I can appreciate the scene described. After all, this is home, 21 years of home. It is a display of my wonderful family, my education, my childhood memories, important people, things that made me who I am today. I guess it was an element of nostalgia already, some kind of admiration and tribute to my home.

Today I thought about a babysitter I had at one point in my life. She was left-handed. Lauren and I always wanted to train ourselves to be left-handed. Alicia always practiced with us, teaching us different left handed techniques: how to hold a pen, how to hold kitchen utensils. Then I realized, as a florist I am a "lefty" and a "righty". My left hand is just as strong as my right when I design. I felt like I should call Alicia and tell her the exciting news. ;) At least my sister anyway.

Last random thought of the day, I processed too many carnations today. I wish carnations did not exist.

I am ready to close my eyes. Today was good and the night was better. I am looking forward to breakfast and a cup of coffee, as I always do. I like small joys like bowls of cereal and a really good song before the work day.

Sweet dreams!

there will be snacks

Currently obsessed with the sounds of Bon Iver.
Currently working on planning Kim and Philip's wedding flowers. It's a hefty task, but one I enjoy so much. I'm thankful for Kim's willingness to let me in on this opportunity. I am so excited to have this experience as my own. I'll face hundreds of critics, and I'll be excited to hear the feedback. It will be nice to have this creative freedom, due to my current work situation stifling my abilities to flower arrange. I started a job at a flower shop called "Philpott." It is a shop that has been in business for a whopping eighty-eight years. How insane, that is a very long time. Anyway, I will make the best of my world.

I am anticipating a new week. It has already started off right with the pleasure of seeing a busy Rocketboy passing through. I will look forward to making each day count and seeking out what is awesome. I get to watch my cousin get married this weekend in Waco. I am so excited. I'll get to spend time with my family; those moments are cherished, as they are few and far between. I've been calling my Gramma on a regular basis. (Refer to previous blog: "never too late to thicken relationships.") We cried together one night last week remembering Grampa. Anyway, I am getting into a serious routine here in ole Abilene. I keep dreaming of my future flower shop. Hopefully, partial coffee shop, too. I even think of names for the shop. Any ideas? "The Flower Grind." Ha.

I am craving coffee. Off I go.

ideal

coffee on my taste buds
a lot of music tickling my ear drum
skin crawling with happy, sweet relief from the hot air
learning: new flower tricks, how to accept change and grow from it, what a good friend is, how important I am, what real trust feels like...
music music music music
music
music
waiting to find a good book
learning it's never too late to thicken relationships
progressing: in communication, as a human, in life, as a florist
forgetting about me, but remembering me when it matters
realizing i'm never going to have it all figured out, but how important it is to constantly SEEK
consistent spirituality,
good vibes, genuineness

change at its best

The surprises never end and it's a good thing I can only see one step at a time. I'm experiencing change at its best.

It's funny that I continuously think I understand certain aspects of life, but then I find I am gently nudged by truly tasting each endeavor. I have to "seize the day" and embark on a new lesson learned. It's a time to embrace. I've faced emotions I had no clue I'd wear this year - the loss of someone so dear, extreme love, and now change. This day felt a little like New Year's Eve, like I'm on the edge of newness... that jittery feeling, almost scared, but more ecstatic for the thrill of something fresh. I can only look forward to what's to come. Lately, I have been jazzed with a huge symphony of positive energy. We are like magnets. It's better than chocolate, better than a good book, or a new hairstyle. The things I have thought would be terrible are really going to be the best things that could happen. A month is not long, "distance makes the heart grow fonder" and a career change is not something to dread. It's newness at its finest, appreciation and change and curiosity. I'm ready.

wide awake

Tonight makes the second night I am unable to sleep.
It is 1:41 a.m. and I am exhausted, yet staring through my teary eyes at my computer screen. I'm unsure of how to explain what it is that is keeping me awake at night. This is one of those situations that I don't think words will do justice. My heart feels much more than words. A lot of times I think my heart is so enormously sensitive that it just overflows into tears because it has nowhere else to go. I genuinely just care so much for others that sometimes it keeps my mind stirring. (I mean that in no, toot-your-own-horn-kind-of-way.) That is where I find myself tonight. The only thing I knew to do was write.
I had the opportunity to meet my friend Sarah's Dad. In order to keep this short, I will leave out many details. So you can have an idea - her Dad has had 10-12 strokes from the age of 43 until now, 55. I had the opportunity of meeting him last weekend when we went to Dallas for the HHRB show. I was nervous because I knew my reactive heart would feel a lot. Therefore, I knew I would end up where I am right now: awake. I feel so much for him. When I think of him, and when I see his image in my mind, I cannot help but smile and feel a very strange connection to this man. I just see the importance of life in him. He represents what love is, what truth is, what acceptance and contentment is. It is unbelievable. He is completely out of control of his life; he is taken care of by nurses and family, he is limited to a wheelchair, and he is the sweetest and happiest man I have met in a long time. He absolutely radiates, glows, and is an outpour of the Lord. I really believe it. I can't say I have had many experiences where I can say I believe something like that, but I truly do. He is God's and that is all there is to it. God has complete control of him and his life. And he is completely happy. I think that speaks large and loud to us - to me.
On another note, today I really, really missed my Grampa. I have moments where I realize that I'll never see him again. I was making a flower arrangement again today and for some reason my mind went to my future. I thought of moments like when I have a career, when I get married, when I have kids, and my Grampa won't be there. Those things make it reality for me. It carried my thoughts to my Gramma, who is struggling terribly. Once again, my heart overflows with sympathy, for Gramma, my Dad, my family, and myself. I want to see my Grampa right now, and I want one of those infamous hugs... so, so bad. Instead I will just continue to find ways to accept and live inspired. That is all that I can take from these moments. Inspired is a good note to end on.

juneday

Today I prayed Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer" first thing when I heard my alarm go off. I worked a full day, and concentrated on the two arrangements I needed to make. Those flowers had my full attention. I thought about the reaction they would create and I liked the thought. A man came in today looking a little down, as he informed me he and his wife had lost their dog of 16 years yesterday. He wanted a dozen roses to cheer her up. Sweet moments in the flower business - I love it. I like the opportunity of lending out a comforting word before the flowers speak. I have kept my dedication to 4 miles a day. My legs are sore from those long walks every day. I love it, it's relaxing. I really, really miss dance so far this summer. I keep dreaming of dancing. It felt a little like someone had put my life on pause today, a feeling that made it seem like I was living but not necessarily going forward. It was just a slow, summer day though and I realized how much I like moving forward. I don't mind a summer day. I sat with Bentley for a little bit tonight and thought about the missing piece of that puzzle. My two favorite boys. Now I find myself in my bed, in an air conditioned house and I am thankful. Thankful is a good note to end on.

charisma in reality

I find inspiration in various forms, in the smallest and largest ways. It seems that inspiration walks in and out of my everyday. Today it started small, with the mere beauty in a glimpse of sunshine, that lead to an unexplored day. I started the day off with coffee and a good conversation, two of my favorite things. Saying a small prayer and basking in the sun revamped any pessimism. Listening to realities and tough roads traveled in one's life pushed me a little out of my comfort, just enough to inspire me. Remembering my sweet Grampa, and admiring the world of art through dance moved me. It moved me to keep moving. Lately, I have been inspired by flowers. Flowers always serve a smile. They capture insane detail and color in a very intricate way. I have said it before, and I'll say it again. I have a great need to serve others, and I know this desire comes from people in my life like my Mom, Dad, my Grandparents and friends. I truly believe that flowers will provide a great role in my life in fulfilling my aspiration to serve. As the day comes to an end, I can only await another day to serve royally in an inspirational way.

caught between this and that

I have not written in so long. lindyfowler.blogspot is still alive, still anxious to write! I have either not had the time or have been fishing for something worth reading. I know you, whoever you are, are aching for something to read! ;)

Loving as Long as I Can Love

And Living as Long as I Can Live.
thankful for a best friend
thankful for life to live
thankful for family
thankful for my health
thankful for people
thankful for opportunity
thankful for love
thankful for encouragement
thankful for forgiveness
thankful for sharing
thankful for freedom
thankful for safety
thankful for god
thankful for blue skies
thankful for music
thankful for example
thankful for flowers
thankful for more than a list could compile

Knockin' on Heaven's Door

I'll miss your hugs. The ones that squeeze me so tight that I cannot grab a breath of air. I'll miss your humongous smile that literally lights up the room. I'll miss sensing the passionate, servant-like vibe overflowing from your heart. You were a servant. I have talked to you since you left your earthly body. I wonder if you can hear me. I don't know how to handle this too well, Grampa. It brings an unfamiliar emotion, which leaves me feeling like a stranger in my own body. I like to think about you in heaven. It really makes me smile. It brings a few tears to my eyes at the same time. Even now. I'm nervous. I am scared -- for Dad, Gramma, and the rest of the family. We will be ok. It's ironic that death brings the importance of life to those that survived. My fear of death has to diminish, otherwise I will forget to live. It's comforting to know what a wonderful man you were. You loved us all so much, and so many others in this world. What an amazing person you were. I want to achieve the same. Allow me to do that. Send me encouragement, ok? I love you forever.

Freckles of Wonder

She is an incessant dreamer. The blank stare on her face is the daily gaze where she let's her soul swim. The chair she continually finds herself in is the chair that will one day turn into her dreams. She will no longer sit and dream, and a dream will no longer be called a dream. It will be reality.
She is a lover. It's what she knows how to do best. Her heart is ever so sensitive. She is a listener and an observer. She grows from her sensitivity to the world around her. She desires to match her words and her actions in a consistent fashion.
She fell for the one with blue eyes and a large heart. She never knew what real love was until he came along. It is not always easy, but it is always worth it. It is fragile and beautiful.
She likes a sunny day and freshly painted nails. She likes a large cup of coffee in her hand at any time of the day, iced or hot. She likes learning --through a book, a movie, a friend, a performance. She likes to seek spirituality. She loves to love her family. Dancing replaces her loss for words. She has little freckles of wonder. This 'wonder' for discovery and need for a daily passionate life. She'll never stop wondering. She is full of hope and excitement for each day to come. She will have freckles forever.