It's funny.
I feel all the time that life is too predictable in this small town and my small life. I go to school, which tends to be predictable. I work on definite days, so that's predictable. I have dance on definite days. I know who my friends are every day that I wake up. With all of this said, life still plays back and throws in little surprises, good or bad.
Recently, my grandpa is in and out of the hospital. He collapsed, has some internal bleeding of the brain, and is continuously ill, lately. If I think about it too much my eyes fill up with large tear drops waiting to fall, and that lump develops in my throat when I try really hard to keep them from diving out.
Mr. Unpredictable has presented himself in other situations, but I find that in those moments that make me feel all shook up, it's okay. It's okay to feel shaken. For some reason, I'm always okay with having to open my eyes a little more even if it's hard in the process and those tears do roll down. Somehow, after they fall, I feel different. That's why being shaken is okay.
Never let fear take over peace.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
cherry coffee and a blog
My first thought is, is it really March 15, 2008? That thought really blows my mind into a million different directions as I sit and listen to my family chatting at the table here in Mesa, Arizona. Those close to me know that Arizona is one of my favorite places to visit ("I just LOVE temPE!").
Day one has already been refreshing. My grandma's back porch faces the Superstition Mountains, as well as a golf course and vibrant flowers. I took a nap on a lawn chair in the sun and just when I was getting a bit too hot, the cool breeze would come. I woke up and went for a walk for about an hour. I just couldn't get enough of each smell that would whisk through each breeze. As I walked and listened to my (actually Mitch's) iPod (Coldplay, Sunny Day Real Estate, Matt Pond PA) I thought, you would like this. "This" being the peaceful pace, the friendly smiles from the elderly, the sweet smell in the air (that I always talk about), and some quality time just watching little tiny rabbits bop along. I love that there is never a minute of time between us taken for granted. I also love that you are doing what you love. :) Anyway, I thought of you today as I went about my business.
It is now dusk; my favorite time of day. It's funny to be surrounded by "old people." I use the words "old people" lightly because what is old anyway? Just someone older than me with more mileage on life's journey. This is why I love Arizona spring breaks though. It is a retreat from my ritualistic life, whether it be too much dessert eaten or an abundance of hugs from my Grampa or mountains to admire as opposed to flat land. Last year's trip here served as a new beginning. It was the start of all things new--my sweet Mitchell, new friends, and a new me. I'm not sure just yet what this year's trip serves. I intend on it being a time for rejuvenation for life. I always get plenty of time to meditate and make goals for myself before I return to Abilene. This time around I will also squeeze in plenty of time to rehearse my numbers for Chameleon, which is the week I get back. Unfortunately, this time also includes lots of dreaded homework. But let's not create any sort of cynicism.
The scene: A dark sky outside covering the beautiful mountains and flowers. A table stacked with dominoes with a few "old people" picking their next move :). And I am about to use my time wisely by dancing and reading. Life is good. I mean it. I feel so blessed as each day passes.
Day one has already been refreshing. My grandma's back porch faces the Superstition Mountains, as well as a golf course and vibrant flowers. I took a nap on a lawn chair in the sun and just when I was getting a bit too hot, the cool breeze would come. I woke up and went for a walk for about an hour. I just couldn't get enough of each smell that would whisk through each breeze. As I walked and listened to my (actually Mitch's) iPod (Coldplay, Sunny Day Real Estate, Matt Pond PA) I thought, you would like this. "This" being the peaceful pace, the friendly smiles from the elderly, the sweet smell in the air (that I always talk about), and some quality time just watching little tiny rabbits bop along. I love that there is never a minute of time between us taken for granted. I also love that you are doing what you love. :) Anyway, I thought of you today as I went about my business.
It is now dusk; my favorite time of day. It's funny to be surrounded by "old people." I use the words "old people" lightly because what is old anyway? Just someone older than me with more mileage on life's journey. This is why I love Arizona spring breaks though. It is a retreat from my ritualistic life, whether it be too much dessert eaten or an abundance of hugs from my Grampa or mountains to admire as opposed to flat land. Last year's trip here served as a new beginning. It was the start of all things new--my sweet Mitchell, new friends, and a new me. I'm not sure just yet what this year's trip serves. I intend on it being a time for rejuvenation for life. I always get plenty of time to meditate and make goals for myself before I return to Abilene. This time around I will also squeeze in plenty of time to rehearse my numbers for Chameleon, which is the week I get back. Unfortunately, this time also includes lots of dreaded homework. But let's not create any sort of cynicism.
The scene: A dark sky outside covering the beautiful mountains and flowers. A table stacked with dominoes with a few "old people" picking their next move :). And I am about to use my time wisely by dancing and reading. Life is good. I mean it. I feel so blessed as each day passes.
Monday, March 3, 2008
desperate discovery
"We are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys."
-Ingrid Michaelson
"All we can do is keep breathing."
-Ingrid Michaelson
"I want to change the world
Instead I sleep..."
-Ingrid Michaelson
I have a large and I suppose, cliche dream. It's true; I want to change the world. I want to dive into situations that go unnoticed. I want to get my hands dirty and peel my eyes open to an extent so far that change must occur. It is one of my greatest desires to love on other people and forget all the worries in my life that do not matter. So, one day I will hopefully stop sleeping and discover what my heart longs for.
-Ingrid Michaelson
"All we can do is keep breathing."
-Ingrid Michaelson
"I want to change the world
Instead I sleep..."
-Ingrid Michaelson
I have a large and I suppose, cliche dream. It's true; I want to change the world. I want to dive into situations that go unnoticed. I want to get my hands dirty and peel my eyes open to an extent so far that change must occur. It is one of my greatest desires to love on other people and forget all the worries in my life that do not matter. So, one day I will hopefully stop sleeping and discover what my heart longs for.
Friday, February 8, 2008
The Sound of February
There are some things in life that just seem unknowable --the past, present or future -- and maybe my thinking in this thought has been far too influenced from my English class; I realize that this thought dances in my mind quite frequently. Most of the time, I find that when I think of the unknowable, it is the future that comes to mind, but the past and the present must not be left out. I tend to be a worry wart and have to make the effort to stop and just live. I like the fact that my life is a mystery. It leaves room for surprise and reward or, a new lesson learned and, love to be given or received. And as for now, I am breathing through a constant slew of activities.
I am so glad that Valentines is over. Bitter? No. My Valentine was sweet to me, but working in a flower shop during this holiday--yikes. It wasn't so bad. We stayed pretty organized and level-headed (most of us). I listened to many young, middle-aged, and old men conjure up a flirtatious note to attach to their dozen roses and through it all, I learned even more about flowers and strengthened a few skills. I'd like to think that after seven and a half months I'm developing a strong eye for floral design.
I am loving life. I like the fact that I'm in school and being productive. I like my job and its creative outlet. I like dance for the most part and I am excited to perform next month. I love the people (person) in my life. It gets better every day. I am glad that I was brave recently. I look forward to what's to come. I always want to be better--live better. I have been struggling with my faith more so than usual, but I feel struggling is better than just existing and remaining stagnant. So, in conclusion, I'm living alright and doing just fine.
I am so glad that Valentines is over. Bitter? No. My Valentine was sweet to me, but working in a flower shop during this holiday--yikes. It wasn't so bad. We stayed pretty organized and level-headed (most of us). I listened to many young, middle-aged, and old men conjure up a flirtatious note to attach to their dozen roses and through it all, I learned even more about flowers and strengthened a few skills. I'd like to think that after seven and a half months I'm developing a strong eye for floral design.
I am loving life. I like the fact that I'm in school and being productive. I like my job and its creative outlet. I like dance for the most part and I am excited to perform next month. I love the people (person) in my life. It gets better every day. I am glad that I was brave recently. I look forward to what's to come. I always want to be better--live better. I have been struggling with my faith more so than usual, but I feel struggling is better than just existing and remaining stagnant. So, in conclusion, I'm living alright and doing just fine.
Monday, January 21, 2008
To be Edited.
Life is moving so swiftly. There has been a lot going on, and many changes taking place. Once I get a breather from all this, I'll inform you guys.
Main thoughts...
I am starving to love and help others.
I love Mitch.
School is going well.
Dance is having its ups-and-downs, more ups recently.
Love to all.
Edit soon.
Main thoughts...
I am starving to love and help others.
I love Mitch.
School is going well.
Dance is having its ups-and-downs, more ups recently.
Love to all.
Edit soon.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Small Change
Although the small change, it still remains. www.lindyfowler.blogspot.com
...and there you have it! (I saved the three most recent posts from www.lindycarolfowler.blogspot.com and will continue to write for the few of you who read this)
:) Peace.
...and there you have it! (I saved the three most recent posts from www.lindycarolfowler.blogspot.com and will continue to write for the few of you who read this)
:) Peace.
"And I do believe it's true, that there are roads left in both of our shoes..."
I have this constant battle I continuously cannot stop fighting. I have said before in previous blogs that I have learned to pick my battles, but I re-read those blogs and question myself after having written such a thing. The aforementioned battle constantly weighs on my mind. OK, maybe not constantly, but more than I prefer. Don't expect any details because somehow I just don't feel like it's appropriate to express every last detail in a blog, forgive me? (It's just an invasion of privacy thing.) But I will express emotion and thought.
I realize daily, this battle, is so silly. So, so ridiculous. But with that said, I still can't shake it. Mostly because I need reassurance that this battle I'm fighting is merely worthless. It is a complete waste of time--this, I know. I wonder if anyone can relate, surely, to the fact of some battles just seem insurmountable. If surrender does not come first, and neither does victory, where does that leave me? Between a rock and a hard place. I don't like that place. I would love sweet relief from this agitating conflict within myself.
I probably blog too often, but it is therapeutic for me, as is driving and listening to endless amounts of good music, or organizing, or working out (an insight on my personality, here). Update: I will return to ACU this spring semester. Say a prayer. I'm not thrilled about the ACU community part, just the education part. In no offense to any of those who are employed there, or who attend there, or who graduated from there, that love it. I just have an apprehensive attitude about the place. My first two years were not my favorite. I know this time around will be impressively different though, so I will rest on that and aim for success. Slightly cheesy, I know (but true).
On another note, the year 2007 is nearly over (three days to be exact). I can't believe the words I just re-read, in question if I was really right. It is strange for me to think back on the year of '07. It is almost frightening how much I/things have changed drastically. It truly leaves me with my mouth wide open. And I am beginning to raise a speculative eyebrow at the year 2008. The mystery of the unknown leaves me anxiously excited. I have had thoughts of formulating a list of things from the year 2007, but that is overwhelming to me, so I will just move forward. OK, I will say one thing about the year 2007; I have gained a best friend that is absolutely irreplaceable, and that is overwhelming--in a good sense of the word, not overwhelming in the event of a list. It leaves me speechless. It leaves me to leave you, reader. And here is my anthem for 2008:
"I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what it's like to be new
Cause in my head there's a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they're far more suited than here"
Death Cab for Cutie. Plans. "Soul Meets Body."
I realize daily, this battle, is so silly. So, so ridiculous. But with that said, I still can't shake it. Mostly because I need reassurance that this battle I'm fighting is merely worthless. It is a complete waste of time--this, I know. I wonder if anyone can relate, surely, to the fact of some battles just seem insurmountable. If surrender does not come first, and neither does victory, where does that leave me? Between a rock and a hard place. I don't like that place. I would love sweet relief from this agitating conflict within myself.
I probably blog too often, but it is therapeutic for me, as is driving and listening to endless amounts of good music, or organizing, or working out (an insight on my personality, here). Update: I will return to ACU this spring semester. Say a prayer. I'm not thrilled about the ACU community part, just the education part. In no offense to any of those who are employed there, or who attend there, or who graduated from there, that love it. I just have an apprehensive attitude about the place. My first two years were not my favorite. I know this time around will be impressively different though, so I will rest on that and aim for success. Slightly cheesy, I know (but true).
On another note, the year 2007 is nearly over (three days to be exact). I can't believe the words I just re-read, in question if I was really right. It is strange for me to think back on the year of '07. It is almost frightening how much I/things have changed drastically. It truly leaves me with my mouth wide open. And I am beginning to raise a speculative eyebrow at the year 2008. The mystery of the unknown leaves me anxiously excited. I have had thoughts of formulating a list of things from the year 2007, but that is overwhelming to me, so I will just move forward. OK, I will say one thing about the year 2007; I have gained a best friend that is absolutely irreplaceable, and that is overwhelming--in a good sense of the word, not overwhelming in the event of a list. It leaves me speechless. It leaves me to leave you, reader. And here is my anthem for 2008:
"I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what it's like to be new
Cause in my head there's a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they're far more suited than here"
Death Cab for Cutie. Plans. "Soul Meets Body."
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