wide awake

Tonight makes the second night I am unable to sleep.
It is 1:41 a.m. and I am exhausted, yet staring through my teary eyes at my computer screen. I'm unsure of how to explain what it is that is keeping me awake at night. This is one of those situations that I don't think words will do justice. My heart feels much more than words. A lot of times I think my heart is so enormously sensitive that it just overflows into tears because it has nowhere else to go. I genuinely just care so much for others that sometimes it keeps my mind stirring. (I mean that in no, toot-your-own-horn-kind-of-way.) That is where I find myself tonight. The only thing I knew to do was write.
I had the opportunity to meet my friend Sarah's Dad. In order to keep this short, I will leave out many details. So you can have an idea - her Dad has had 10-12 strokes from the age of 43 until now, 55. I had the opportunity of meeting him last weekend when we went to Dallas for the HHRB show. I was nervous because I knew my reactive heart would feel a lot. Therefore, I knew I would end up where I am right now: awake. I feel so much for him. When I think of him, and when I see his image in my mind, I cannot help but smile and feel a very strange connection to this man. I just see the importance of life in him. He represents what love is, what truth is, what acceptance and contentment is. It is unbelievable. He is completely out of control of his life; he is taken care of by nurses and family, he is limited to a wheelchair, and he is the sweetest and happiest man I have met in a long time. He absolutely radiates, glows, and is an outpour of the Lord. I really believe it. I can't say I have had many experiences where I can say I believe something like that, but I truly do. He is God's and that is all there is to it. God has complete control of him and his life. And he is completely happy. I think that speaks large and loud to us - to me.
On another note, today I really, really missed my Grampa. I have moments where I realize that I'll never see him again. I was making a flower arrangement again today and for some reason my mind went to my future. I thought of moments like when I have a career, when I get married, when I have kids, and my Grampa won't be there. Those things make it reality for me. It carried my thoughts to my Gramma, who is struggling terribly. Once again, my heart overflows with sympathy, for Gramma, my Dad, my family, and myself. I want to see my Grampa right now, and I want one of those infamous hugs... so, so bad. Instead I will just continue to find ways to accept and live inspired. That is all that I can take from these moments. Inspired is a good note to end on.