It's funny.
I feel all the time that life is too predictable in this small town and my small life. I go to school, which tends to be predictable. I work on definite days, so that's predictable. I have dance on definite days. I know who my friends are every day that I wake up. With all of this said, life still plays back and throws in little surprises, good or bad.
Recently, my grandpa is in and out of the hospital. He collapsed, has some internal bleeding of the brain, and is continuously ill, lately. If I think about it too much my eyes fill up with large tear drops waiting to fall, and that lump develops in my throat when I try really hard to keep them from diving out.
Mr. Unpredictable has presented himself in other situations, but I find that in those moments that make me feel all shook up, it's okay. It's okay to feel shaken. For some reason, I'm always okay with having to open my eyes a little more even if it's hard in the process and those tears do roll down. Somehow, after they fall, I feel different. That's why being shaken is okay.
Never let fear take over peace.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
cherry coffee and a blog
My first thought is, is it really March 15, 2008? That thought really blows my mind into a million different directions as I sit and listen to my family chatting at the table here in Mesa, Arizona. Those close to me know that Arizona is one of my favorite places to visit ("I just LOVE temPE!").
Day one has already been refreshing. My grandma's back porch faces the Superstition Mountains, as well as a golf course and vibrant flowers. I took a nap on a lawn chair in the sun and just when I was getting a bit too hot, the cool breeze would come. I woke up and went for a walk for about an hour. I just couldn't get enough of each smell that would whisk through each breeze. As I walked and listened to my (actually Mitch's) iPod (Coldplay, Sunny Day Real Estate, Matt Pond PA) I thought, you would like this. "This" being the peaceful pace, the friendly smiles from the elderly, the sweet smell in the air (that I always talk about), and some quality time just watching little tiny rabbits bop along. I love that there is never a minute of time between us taken for granted. I also love that you are doing what you love. :) Anyway, I thought of you today as I went about my business.
It is now dusk; my favorite time of day. It's funny to be surrounded by "old people." I use the words "old people" lightly because what is old anyway? Just someone older than me with more mileage on life's journey. This is why I love Arizona spring breaks though. It is a retreat from my ritualistic life, whether it be too much dessert eaten or an abundance of hugs from my Grampa or mountains to admire as opposed to flat land. Last year's trip here served as a new beginning. It was the start of all things new--my sweet Mitchell, new friends, and a new me. I'm not sure just yet what this year's trip serves. I intend on it being a time for rejuvenation for life. I always get plenty of time to meditate and make goals for myself before I return to Abilene. This time around I will also squeeze in plenty of time to rehearse my numbers for Chameleon, which is the week I get back. Unfortunately, this time also includes lots of dreaded homework. But let's not create any sort of cynicism.
The scene: A dark sky outside covering the beautiful mountains and flowers. A table stacked with dominoes with a few "old people" picking their next move :). And I am about to use my time wisely by dancing and reading. Life is good. I mean it. I feel so blessed as each day passes.
Day one has already been refreshing. My grandma's back porch faces the Superstition Mountains, as well as a golf course and vibrant flowers. I took a nap on a lawn chair in the sun and just when I was getting a bit too hot, the cool breeze would come. I woke up and went for a walk for about an hour. I just couldn't get enough of each smell that would whisk through each breeze. As I walked and listened to my (actually Mitch's) iPod (Coldplay, Sunny Day Real Estate, Matt Pond PA) I thought, you would like this. "This" being the peaceful pace, the friendly smiles from the elderly, the sweet smell in the air (that I always talk about), and some quality time just watching little tiny rabbits bop along. I love that there is never a minute of time between us taken for granted. I also love that you are doing what you love. :) Anyway, I thought of you today as I went about my business.
It is now dusk; my favorite time of day. It's funny to be surrounded by "old people." I use the words "old people" lightly because what is old anyway? Just someone older than me with more mileage on life's journey. This is why I love Arizona spring breaks though. It is a retreat from my ritualistic life, whether it be too much dessert eaten or an abundance of hugs from my Grampa or mountains to admire as opposed to flat land. Last year's trip here served as a new beginning. It was the start of all things new--my sweet Mitchell, new friends, and a new me. I'm not sure just yet what this year's trip serves. I intend on it being a time for rejuvenation for life. I always get plenty of time to meditate and make goals for myself before I return to Abilene. This time around I will also squeeze in plenty of time to rehearse my numbers for Chameleon, which is the week I get back. Unfortunately, this time also includes lots of dreaded homework. But let's not create any sort of cynicism.
The scene: A dark sky outside covering the beautiful mountains and flowers. A table stacked with dominoes with a few "old people" picking their next move :). And I am about to use my time wisely by dancing and reading. Life is good. I mean it. I feel so blessed as each day passes.
Monday, March 3, 2008
desperate discovery
"We are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys."
-Ingrid Michaelson
"All we can do is keep breathing."
-Ingrid Michaelson
"I want to change the world
Instead I sleep..."
-Ingrid Michaelson
I have a large and I suppose, cliche dream. It's true; I want to change the world. I want to dive into situations that go unnoticed. I want to get my hands dirty and peel my eyes open to an extent so far that change must occur. It is one of my greatest desires to love on other people and forget all the worries in my life that do not matter. So, one day I will hopefully stop sleeping and discover what my heart longs for.
-Ingrid Michaelson
"All we can do is keep breathing."
-Ingrid Michaelson
"I want to change the world
Instead I sleep..."
-Ingrid Michaelson
I have a large and I suppose, cliche dream. It's true; I want to change the world. I want to dive into situations that go unnoticed. I want to get my hands dirty and peel my eyes open to an extent so far that change must occur. It is one of my greatest desires to love on other people and forget all the worries in my life that do not matter. So, one day I will hopefully stop sleeping and discover what my heart longs for.
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