Although the small change, it still remains. www.lindyfowler.blogspot.com
...and there you have it! (I saved the three most recent posts from www.lindycarolfowler.blogspot.com and will continue to write for the few of you who read this)
:) Peace.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
"And I do believe it's true, that there are roads left in both of our shoes..."
I have this constant battle I continuously cannot stop fighting. I have said before in previous blogs that I have learned to pick my battles, but I re-read those blogs and question myself after having written such a thing. The aforementioned battle constantly weighs on my mind. OK, maybe not constantly, but more than I prefer. Don't expect any details because somehow I just don't feel like it's appropriate to express every last detail in a blog, forgive me? (It's just an invasion of privacy thing.) But I will express emotion and thought.
I realize daily, this battle, is so silly. So, so ridiculous. But with that said, I still can't shake it. Mostly because I need reassurance that this battle I'm fighting is merely worthless. It is a complete waste of time--this, I know. I wonder if anyone can relate, surely, to the fact of some battles just seem insurmountable. If surrender does not come first, and neither does victory, where does that leave me? Between a rock and a hard place. I don't like that place. I would love sweet relief from this agitating conflict within myself.
I probably blog too often, but it is therapeutic for me, as is driving and listening to endless amounts of good music, or organizing, or working out (an insight on my personality, here). Update: I will return to ACU this spring semester. Say a prayer. I'm not thrilled about the ACU community part, just the education part. In no offense to any of those who are employed there, or who attend there, or who graduated from there, that love it. I just have an apprehensive attitude about the place. My first two years were not my favorite. I know this time around will be impressively different though, so I will rest on that and aim for success. Slightly cheesy, I know (but true).
On another note, the year 2007 is nearly over (three days to be exact). I can't believe the words I just re-read, in question if I was really right. It is strange for me to think back on the year of '07. It is almost frightening how much I/things have changed drastically. It truly leaves me with my mouth wide open. And I am beginning to raise a speculative eyebrow at the year 2008. The mystery of the unknown leaves me anxiously excited. I have had thoughts of formulating a list of things from the year 2007, but that is overwhelming to me, so I will just move forward. OK, I will say one thing about the year 2007; I have gained a best friend that is absolutely irreplaceable, and that is overwhelming--in a good sense of the word, not overwhelming in the event of a list. It leaves me speechless. It leaves me to leave you, reader. And here is my anthem for 2008:
"I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what it's like to be new
Cause in my head there's a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they're far more suited than here"
Death Cab for Cutie. Plans. "Soul Meets Body."
I realize daily, this battle, is so silly. So, so ridiculous. But with that said, I still can't shake it. Mostly because I need reassurance that this battle I'm fighting is merely worthless. It is a complete waste of time--this, I know. I wonder if anyone can relate, surely, to the fact of some battles just seem insurmountable. If surrender does not come first, and neither does victory, where does that leave me? Between a rock and a hard place. I don't like that place. I would love sweet relief from this agitating conflict within myself.
I probably blog too often, but it is therapeutic for me, as is driving and listening to endless amounts of good music, or organizing, or working out (an insight on my personality, here). Update: I will return to ACU this spring semester. Say a prayer. I'm not thrilled about the ACU community part, just the education part. In no offense to any of those who are employed there, or who attend there, or who graduated from there, that love it. I just have an apprehensive attitude about the place. My first two years were not my favorite. I know this time around will be impressively different though, so I will rest on that and aim for success. Slightly cheesy, I know (but true).
On another note, the year 2007 is nearly over (three days to be exact). I can't believe the words I just re-read, in question if I was really right. It is strange for me to think back on the year of '07. It is almost frightening how much I/things have changed drastically. It truly leaves me with my mouth wide open. And I am beginning to raise a speculative eyebrow at the year 2008. The mystery of the unknown leaves me anxiously excited. I have had thoughts of formulating a list of things from the year 2007, but that is overwhelming to me, so I will just move forward. OK, I will say one thing about the year 2007; I have gained a best friend that is absolutely irreplaceable, and that is overwhelming--in a good sense of the word, not overwhelming in the event of a list. It leaves me speechless. It leaves me to leave you, reader. And here is my anthem for 2008:
"I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what it's like to be new
Cause in my head there's a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they're far more suited than here"
Death Cab for Cutie. Plans. "Soul Meets Body."
the world as we know it, or don't
We have endless opportunities for success, or failure. We are given the right to freedom. We live in a world where it is so easy to believe in God, or so easy to not. We get the choice of selecting the wrong path and discover what "bad" decisions are, but fulfill that need for instant gratification. Or we can choose the path labeled: (insert name), and find the diamonds along the way.
Through the world's eyes we are either "somebody" or "nobody." Hollywood provides a disgusting, horrible example of living. Celebrities bring distorted images for young (or grown) girls and boys all over the world, only leading to extreme illnesses that are completely unnecessary. If not illnesses, inappropriate behaviors. With their influence, this is where individuality is lost. We are swayed one way or the other, to follow a complete strangers example, or to follow our own anomalous pathway. (Personally, I find this a thrill a minute; to be guided and discover.)
There is constant heartbreak in the world. That is often shown through broken families; two who were once in love, and then suddenly slipped away from that initial, intense chemistry. And on the other side of the fence we see a constant slide show of "the picture perfect life." A happily ever after tale of two who love with no end. Re-la-tion-ship: -noun 1. a connection, association, or involvement. see also: Dedication. Commitment. Understanding.
*A successful relationship is mutual submission.
We are informed from the first day of schooling that this is all to work our way to college; success comes from a college degree. If not, it comes from an exquisite personality, with unique skills attached. Or just an even break on a whim. We forget the real reason we were put on this earth in the first place: individuals. Where, how, and who raised us weighs heavily on who we become and what we believe. That is why we are individuals. Individuality is often lost because of poor influences or unfair circumstances. It's easier to take the carefree way. Instead we lose sight of the liberty of creating our own. All over this giant world, there is injustice happening. And at the same time as injustice, there is indulgence. How is this just? But as the old song goes, "He's got the whole world in His hands" right?
I am saying all this with the view of the wider life, and I am listening with all my heart. As long as I am on this earth, I will seek passion and a purpose for living. I see no other way to live, but passionately. I see no other way than discovering truth, and what's real--furthermore, important.
And as for my world, it has been and still is, a world far from perfect. It is real, much like yours, I'm sure. I grew up in a loving family, where importance was placed on Christianity and good manners. We were taught to love others and be giving. My parents were and still are in love; never any sign of anything different. And as my childhood dissolved, and I entered my teenage years, I began the journey of discovering who I truly am. There were many hard days of fighting the need to feel accepted, misshapen self-image, and a sad heart when my sister left for college. And as those years passed, I made it to college where I began unveiling a completely new road. It quickly became a messy, rough road. I lost my way, and even though I was five minutes down the road from where I learned good living, my world was turned upside down. It spiraled into what I never saw coming and it took a year and a half to discover how unhappy I was. Which brought me to a few life savers, my family, the Ellison's, Danny, and my sweet Mitchell. Which brings me to the road labeled: Lindy. The best road I have traveled yet. Best, meaning real, satisfactory in a good way, true happiness (see previously posted blog One Voice; One Love), and hope. My world is guided and I walk with peace.
Through the world's eyes we are either "somebody" or "nobody." Hollywood provides a disgusting, horrible example of living. Celebrities bring distorted images for young (or grown) girls and boys all over the world, only leading to extreme illnesses that are completely unnecessary. If not illnesses, inappropriate behaviors. With their influence, this is where individuality is lost. We are swayed one way or the other, to follow a complete strangers example, or to follow our own anomalous pathway. (Personally, I find this a thrill a minute; to be guided and discover.)
There is constant heartbreak in the world. That is often shown through broken families; two who were once in love, and then suddenly slipped away from that initial, intense chemistry. And on the other side of the fence we see a constant slide show of "the picture perfect life." A happily ever after tale of two who love with no end. Re-la-tion-ship: -noun 1. a connection, association, or involvement. see also: Dedication. Commitment. Understanding.
*A successful relationship is mutual submission.
We are informed from the first day of schooling that this is all to work our way to college; success comes from a college degree. If not, it comes from an exquisite personality, with unique skills attached. Or just an even break on a whim. We forget the real reason we were put on this earth in the first place: individuals. Where, how, and who raised us weighs heavily on who we become and what we believe. That is why we are individuals. Individuality is often lost because of poor influences or unfair circumstances. It's easier to take the carefree way. Instead we lose sight of the liberty of creating our own. All over this giant world, there is injustice happening. And at the same time as injustice, there is indulgence. How is this just? But as the old song goes, "He's got the whole world in His hands" right?
I am saying all this with the view of the wider life, and I am listening with all my heart. As long as I am on this earth, I will seek passion and a purpose for living. I see no other way to live, but passionately. I see no other way than discovering truth, and what's real--furthermore, important.
And as for my world, it has been and still is, a world far from perfect. It is real, much like yours, I'm sure. I grew up in a loving family, where importance was placed on Christianity and good manners. We were taught to love others and be giving. My parents were and still are in love; never any sign of anything different. And as my childhood dissolved, and I entered my teenage years, I began the journey of discovering who I truly am. There were many hard days of fighting the need to feel accepted, misshapen self-image, and a sad heart when my sister left for college. And as those years passed, I made it to college where I began unveiling a completely new road. It quickly became a messy, rough road. I lost my way, and even though I was five minutes down the road from where I learned good living, my world was turned upside down. It spiraled into what I never saw coming and it took a year and a half to discover how unhappy I was. Which brought me to a few life savers, my family, the Ellison's, Danny, and my sweet Mitchell. Which brings me to the road labeled: Lindy. The best road I have traveled yet. Best, meaning real, satisfactory in a good way, true happiness (see previously posted blog One Voice; One Love), and hope. My world is guided and I walk with peace.
One Voice. One Love.
It is treasured. It is marvelous. It echoes for miles in her heart. What a mythical, and absolute divine chime ringing continuously in her everyday. An irreplaceable hug for her emotions. A heart that molds another. One heart with scars of hurt and patches of healing, another with the same. The two together meet in bliss, ready to heal and grow larger. It stimulates a masterpiece, what might as well be considered art and hung on a wall for all to study. It is capable of slipping her into a trance, mesmerized for days. To her surprise, an alteration for the better. A journey ahead that appears to be unending. This is a thrill, not a dreadfully awful realization. Every corner turned creates a larger, more full memory lane. It teaches. The lessons learned are often unspeakable. The feelings and connections are exclusive. And it is the most wonderful experience she knows, and would not exchange for a life lived elsewhere. When she catches her reflection, it is almost unrecognizable. The mirror speaks back words like, progress, complete, content, joyful, and hopeful. And in that moment she steps away wrapping those words inside and ready to embrace. Time flies, as it often does. But time transforms into kairos, a time in between, when a special "something" happens. She realizes perfunctory love is lost. In turn, realizes words like unconditional, consistent and selfless become second nature. Time fizzles and becomes only a word. It is quickly replaced with eternity. Eternally grateful; eternally satisfied. This perpetual feeling of happiness is nearly indescribable. It is treasured. It is marvelous.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)