sunday

I wish there were cloudless skies, but not today. And there will be no more wishing.

There is always room for change. The good kind of change. The change that molds me into me. You know? I'm not talking about changing my hair color (even though I've had the urge, big surprise). I'm talking about true refinement as a human being. And I will not wish anymore. Do you ever realize how much you just wish... that it was warmer? that you were on vacation? that you were not working today? that X situation was different? I don't know, but I am just sick of wishing! After all, you end up living some bizarre dream. The dream that you wake up from a year later wishing again, that you hadn't wished so much. Because look where you landed.

Today at church I had a really hard time focusing. My head just kept drifting into my own world. I want to discover how to truly live compassionately. That's all I could think about. I looked at people around me, and everyone acted like they had it all together, nodding their heads largely when the preacher made a good point, raising their hands way up to the sky during a moving moment in worship, and I wondered. I wondered what those people would look like truly stripped down. But anyway, I find myself every now and then living in a lazy manner, constantly making pointless statements like "I'm freeeezing! BRRRR!" or "Only 1 more hour until 6:00!" You know, those statements. The ones that make life drab and annoy people around you. No more of that. I really want to be a bubbly, happy, positive, fun, loving, caring, great listener, and friend to all. So I'm trying to figure this life out. Figure out how to make it marvelously mine, with the control out of my hands. I'm not anywhere close to figuring it out, but I'm searching.

I love those conversations that help you see something in a different light. That is why two is better than one. That's all.

Anyway, between the distractions in Austin Java and the internet, I am losing sight of this blog. I said a few things and I guess that's where I'll leave it. I'm going to hear those talented Rocketboys record. Until next time.